Married In Ohio

The Girl and I were involved in a philosophical discussion until the early hours of the morningon Tuesday/Wednesady. It was a “good” conversation, especially considering the last few posts where I lamented that she wasn’t learning the lessons of life. She seems to have a better outlook and a better understanding of things. And, she has resolved to make some positive changes in her behavior. Sometimes, things happen when you least expect them to.

P.S. Because it is so late our “Tuesday” post will be delayed. Look for it sometime on Wednesday.

People with tattoos and body piercings came up during a discussion I was having with a few of my coworkers a couple of weeks ago. I know that I work in a “square” office; but I was still surprised at some of the negative comments I heard. It’s what people are on the inside that matters, especially in the workplace. And to be intolerant of someone just because of the way they look is wrong. I haven’t exactly been a trailblazer; but, many times, I’ve been the only black person in my organization. So, I know what it’s like to have all eyes on you. Everyone is different. And it’s wrong to think less of people because of superficial differences. It seems that the more we become accepting of some things, the more we find other things to dislike. I’m glad that most of the people I know both in real life and in blog land are open-minded and non-judgmental. I just wish more of the world was.

If it seems to you I have not been not around blogland much except on weekends, it’s because that is the case. I already was working a lot before our hiatus; and the amount of work to be done has only increased since then. We’re nearing the finish line; but I still have a couple more weeks of long days. In the career I have chosen, the long days come and go. Unfortunately, I’ve been assigned to two projects whose success is vital to our business back to back.

I “like” being selected to work on high visibility projects because it’s an acknowledgment of my skills and accomplishments. But, I do need a low key project from time to time. The good thing about working on critical projects as opposed to low-key tasks with open-ended timelines is that, assuming you get finished on time and under budget, you don’t have to worry much about being laid off. The bad thing is that you end up surrounded by a lot of nervous directors and VPs. And, of course, there is that whole not spending enough time with your family thing. In a way, the other members of the project team and I are victims of our own success.

I’ve always been good at what I do and expect to succeed; so I don’t have a true understanding of what is like to be a chieftain and basically have your future in the hands of an extremely capable but very overworked and somewhat irritable project team. All they can do is watch and hope. I think I would be nervous too if I was in their position; but, as hard as it is to do, the best thing they can do is leave us alone to do our job. And feed us when it gets late.

When the long days and nights are over, I’m going to take some very well deserved time off and do something nice for the family. And California Girl and I will probably have some very “interesting” photographs for the blog.

Someone asked me on Friday whether The Girl “dated” more black guys or white guys. I actually had to stop and think about it for a moment. Partly because she is “just friends” with a number of boys whom she wouldn’t go out with (her words not ours); and partly because that’s not the first thing that I notice when I’m meeting her friends. I’m much more concerned with their character than their color. My parents, especially my dad, automatically categorize the kids as black and assume that they should socialize and date accordingly; something that my wife and I find very strange given their dual heritage.

Unlike my parents and many people of their generation, there’s no right or wrong choice for California Girl and me. We’re not naive enough to believe that we have much any influence over who she socializes with anyway. That’s not to say that we don’t pay any attention to her friends. In fact, we keep very careful track of who she communicates where it’s electronic (via email, IM, chat, text messaging, etc), telephonic (cell or house phone), or in person (i.e. hanging out). We just try not to judge and forbid since that never works anyway. I know that if my father would have had his way, California Girl and I would have never dated much less got married.

It’s hard being in high school when you’re 15. As adults looking back, it doesn’t seem very difficult; but kids today are under enough pressure without their parents adding to it. Not being asked to homecoming (or not being asked by the right guy) is a major deal when you’re 15. Even if you understand intellectually that it’s not the end of the world it’s still hard when everyone at school is talking about the dance on Monday. So we just watch from afar and try not to interfere. It’s not that we don’t like some of their friends better than others. But we realize that we don’t get truly get a vote and the worst thing that we can do is be overbearing and close off any channels of communication. We need to be sure that we’re still in the loop when the time comes that one or both of them really needs our help.

Anyway, getting back to the original question, I wonder why they thought it mattered. Considering their age and background, I doubt if they’ve got the same viewpoint as my parents. California Girl and I (and the kids) don’t categorize people so simply. As parents, we’re much more likely to divide our kids’ friends into good influences and bad influences. And we haven’t noticed any correlation between that and physical characteristics. We don’t segment the kids or people they associate with. We know society does; but we don’t think that is a good thing to teach our children. Good friendships are hard to find without adding artificial constraints. The Boy and The Girl will have to make their own way in the world. Hopefully they will make good decisions for life in the 21^st century.

Tomorrow is the three year anniversary of Married In Ohio. 975 posts and 5,554 comments ago we made our debut on BlogSpot with Who Am I And Why Am I Here. Three years is an eternity for an active blog. We’ve had the joy of meeting a lot of new people and the sadness of seeing some of our favorite blogs end. Through it all, the one constant has been you. Especially those of you who leave comments (and shouts) and send emails. We don’t have a favorite post from the past 365 days. What we will remember most about our third year blogging is the interactions that we have had with you.

A glance at the sidebar shows that we’re fast approaching 1,500,000 visitors! For some people, that may not be a lot of visitors; but, for us, it’s a number that we find hard to believe. We don’t advertise or do anything to promote our blog. We just publish posts and answer comments and the collaborative nature of the ‘net does the rest. The internet is by definition a collaborative medium. And blogging may be the most collaborative of all activity on the web. Our interactions with you may not make us any more or less happily married; but they certainly make things more enjoyable and interesting.

We’ve come a long way since that first post and still don’t know where blogging may lead us. But we do know that we plan to continue to share our life together with everyone for another year. Thanks for reading for the past three years. Blogging is a journey and not a destination and we’re glad to have shared the road with you.

I was reading a post on another blog recently about the impact ads have on reader’s perceptions of the authors. Some blogs have no ads. Some blogs have a few text ads. And other blogs have full flash-based multimedia ads. Personally, I am not overly fond of sites with a lot of ads simply because it makes the pages load slower. So, while I think it’s the right of the author to have as many or as few ad as they want; I have a hard time browsing ad-rich blogs with the less than leading-edge computer that I normally use.

There is also the issue of authenticity. Does the author publish a post because it’s what’s on their mind? Or are they posting just to create “fresh” content so that their blog is always listed as “new” in the various RSS aggregators? I’ve always formed my opinion of a blog on the content and not so much on its look and feel; but, it seems there are many people out there who do the exact opposite.

There have never been and there will never be advertisements on Married in Ohio. We do this for fun and camaraderie, not for profit. Registering and hosting your own domain costs money. But, in the grand scheme of things, it’s not as expensive as other forms of communication and entertainment. We pay for phones, cable/satellite TV, etc. just so we can stay in touch and be entertained. Blogging is no different. California Girl and I would love to be able to blog for free. But we enjoy it enough to continue doing it even though its not.

Guest_2189 asked in the shoutbox “Have you and your wife thought about what you would say to your kids if they found your blog?” The shoutbox has a 500 character limit so I though I would answer that question here. We supervise and monitor what the kids do both in real life and virtually; so the chance of it happening is very remote. But, the question wasn’t about the likelyhood of it happening but how we would react if it did.

The photographs make it unmistakable; but I don’t think it’s a big secret that we are having sex. I’m sure they assumed as much already since our bedroom is, and has always been, off limits to them. I wouldn’t make too big of a deal of it. We’re married and nothing we do is illegal, or even out of the ordinary. Look at all of the birth control supplies in the aisles of a typical grocery store.Both kids have a certain degree of freedom and privacy with their on-line activities, cell phones, etc. I would expect them to understand them just because they find and canaccess something doesn’t mean that they should.

California Girl and I could review their “private” spaces and activities much more strictly if we wanted to. Privacy in a family is based upon trust rather than ironclad preventative measures. For example, a closed bedroom door means stay out. Even if the privacy lock is activated, it’s trivially easy to circumvent. Or, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts, I could easily intercept anyone’s email since I manage the mail server. But just because I can doesn’t mean that I should and do. The same principle applies to them. If we wanted them to read our blog, we would have given them the address. We didn’t so that means stay out. Besides, adult-oriented web sites are clearly off limits for them. I think I would be more likely to focus on why they weren’t following the rules to begin with.

Something that has always mystified me is why the creation or viewing of risqué photographs (by adults) is such a notable event anyway. We all know what boobs look like already. And it really isn’t too hard to visualize a woman sucking her guy’s dick. Or how their respective parts fit together. I’m not saying that taking and posting photographs isn’t fun. It’s something that California Girl and I both enjoy. But are our unadulterated naughty bits that hard to picture? Besides, don’t the majority of people have a SO with whom you can do more than look who is more than willing to get naked for them? Photographs of naked bodies shouldn’t be such a big deal, even if their having sex. I hope that someday they won’t be.

P.S. Tomorrow is Election Day. Everyone please remember to go and vote for the candidates and issues of their choice.