Married In Ohio

As you probably figured out, our recent absence in the world of blogging was due to taking The Boy to college. After the commotion of getting up early, packing the car and the ensuing drive, the time to say goodbye was suddenly on us. No tears were shed; but it was clearly a significant moment. He’s been away from home before; but we always knew exactly when he was going to return. It was always I’ll be back to pick you up on Saturday or the bus gets back to school at 6:00 P.M. Never, I’ll see you around; but I don’t know when. The emptiness in the house the next day after we returned was palpable. No music playing. No Doom monsters growling. Just silence and an empty chair. People say kids grow up fast. Now I truly know what that means. I can’t believe 18 years has gone by since that day in June that I held him up to the window and let him take his first glimpse of the world. Now he’s out in the world all by himself without a safety net (me). I’m sure that he’s doing fine; but I’m not sure that I am.

The Girl had a party 16^th birthday past this past Saturday. It wasn’t her actual birthday yet; but it was the best day for it. It was a HUGE event. Even bigger and better than the one she had when she turned 14. The kids were surprisingly well behaved. A few kids got wet that didn’t want to; but there was very little horseplay. Her friends have really grown up. I think I’ve mellowed a bit too. I remember remarking how “skimpy” the girls’ swimwear was a couple of years ago. On Saturday, quite a few of them wearing string bikinis and the rest of them were wearing two piece suits; but I hardly even noticed. I’ve learned not to worry about such things. Just like with adults I’m a lot more concerned with what is on the inside rather than what is on the outside.

It rained off and on during the day but it cleared long enough for the party to be a success. Pool parties can be great fun but not if it’s raining. It was warm and the sun was shining except when there were a few brief showers. We had been considering having a friend DJ the event (free except for tip). Ultimately, we decided to buy and download all of the music from iTunes instead. That way, The Girl could play all of her favorite songs whenever she wanted. It was just a birthday party; but, in many ways, it seemed like planning a wedding. I know that day is far away; but, The Girl is starting to seem really grown up.

Observant readers will have noticed that one of these sentences in About Us section of the side bar recently changed to “We have two kids, a son, 18, and a daughter, 15.” Although he is still a kid to us, The Boy is technically an adult. Things don’t seem much different now than they did before his birthday; but it seems strange to call someone who is 18 years old a “kid”. About the only change now is that he’s old enough to sign forms for himself. California Girl and I are amazed at how quickly the time has passed. He’ll still be at home for another couple of months then it’s off to college at which point we’re sure things will be totally different. We’re not looking forward to that day.

The Boy graduated from high school! Our first born is almost a man. I remember when the graduation ceremony for the Class of 2008 seemed very, very far into the future. Now, it’s nothing but a memory. I’m sure that this summer will go even more quickly than summers past and then he will be off to college and things will never be quite the same. He didn’t have a graduation party, opting instead to go to the “big” parties hosted by his classmates. Graduation didn’t really seem like the end. He’s doing the same things now as he did last summer. Things won’t be that much different until he leaves for college at the end of the summer.

His mother and I are struggling trying to decide what to give him for a combined graduation and birthday gift. His 18^th birthday is later this month so we plan to give him one larger more expensive gift. The only thing that he has asked for is a laptop computer; but that doesn’t strike us as much of a gift since he and us both know that he “needs” one for college and we were planning to get him one before the end of the summer anyway. If you have any ideas we’d love to hear them.

There are only 100 or so days left as a “party of four”. We’re hoping that this summer will be one of those best ever times that we remember forever.

Someone asked me on Friday whether The Girl “dated” more black guys or white guys. I actually had to stop and think about it for a moment. Partly because she is “just friends” with a number of boys whom she wouldn’t go out with (her words not ours); and partly because that’s not the first thing that I notice when I’m meeting her friends. I’m much more concerned with their character than their color. My parents, especially my dad, automatically categorize the kids as black and assume that they should socialize and date accordingly; something that my wife and I find very strange given their dual heritage.

Unlike my parents and many people of their generation, there’s no right or wrong choice for California Girl and me. We’re not naive enough to believe that we have much any influence over who she socializes with anyway. That’s not to say that we don’t pay any attention to her friends. In fact, we keep very careful track of who she communicates where it’s electronic (via email, IM, chat, text messaging, etc), telephonic (cell or house phone), or in person (i.e. hanging out). We just try not to judge and forbid since that never works anyway. I know that if my father would have had his way, California Girl and I would have never dated much less got married.

It’s hard being in high school when you’re 15. As adults looking back, it doesn’t seem very difficult; but kids today are under enough pressure without their parents adding to it. Not being asked to homecoming (or not being asked by the right guy) is a major deal when you’re 15. Even if you understand intellectually that it’s not the end of the world it’s still hard when everyone at school is talking about the dance on Monday. So we just watch from afar and try not to interfere. It’s not that we don’t like some of their friends better than others. But we realize that we don’t get truly get a vote and the worst thing that we can do is be overbearing and close off any channels of communication. We need to be sure that we’re still in the loop when the time comes that one or both of them really needs our help.

Anyway, getting back to the original question, I wonder why they thought it mattered. Considering their age and background, I doubt if they’ve got the same viewpoint as my parents. California Girl and I (and the kids) don’t categorize people so simply. As parents, we’re much more likely to divide our kids’ friends into good influences and bad influences. And we haven’t noticed any correlation between that and physical characteristics. We don’t segment the kids or people they associate with. We know society does; but we don’t think that is a good thing to teach our children. Good friendships are hard to find without adding artificial constraints. The Boy and The Girl will have to make their own way in the world. Hopefully they will make good decisions for life in the 21^st century.

President’s Day would be one of my favorite holidays if I ever got the day off. California Girl is always off and spends it with the kids. I don’t begrudge her some “Mom time” with the kids. I know the both spend plenty of time with them both alone and together. It just sounds like so much fun that I wish I could be there. I think it’s great that we all still have fun together and haven’t become fragmented even though the kids are older.

The Boy was remarking recently that we could come visit him on Saturdays in the fall and still make it home in time for The Girl’s soccer games later that evening. He didn’t say it with a sense of entitlement; he knows it’s a long way. But, since we’ve always made it a point to attend his (and his sister’s) activities even if it required driving hundreds of miles. So he naturally assumed that we’d visit him frequently. Honestly, I’m not sure how often to visit. My parents didn’t visit much which further strained an already tenuous relationship. On one hand we’d think that as long as he’s interested in talking and spending time with us “old folks” that we should. On the other we don’t want him to spread his wings and not be tethered to the nest.

The Boy wrestled in the last wrestling meet of his career this past Saturday. It’s hard to believe that we won’t be watching him compete anymore. It doesn’t seem that long ago that that he was running around on the field in his first organized soccer game. We were there from the beginning. And we planned to be there at his final meets. We just didn’t think that time would go by so quickly. People have always said that children grow up fast. I never truly understood that until recently. I’m sure that we’ll continue to follow the teams; but it won’t be the same when he’s not on them anymore and everyone we know has graduated. We really enjoy going to football games in the fall and basketball games in the winter; in part because many of the players have gone to school with The Boy. California Girl and I often chaperoned on field trips and field days when the kids were in elementary school and have enjoyed watching his classmates grow up into fine young men and women. It just seems weird seeing them almost grown when we clearly remember them being little kids.

I say that every time I successfully return from one of The Girl’s driving lesson’s. She does OK controlling the vehicle; but she doesn’t have any appreciation for how dangerous automobiles are. I know that taking her driving is the only way to teach her how to drive; but, sometimes, it’s an adventure. I don’t remember things being nearly this “exciting” when I was learning how to drive. (My father was very critical of anything I did in those days, so I’m sure I would have heard about it.) I hope there won’t be any great escapes the next lesson. Thankfully, with all the weekday practices and other activities, we don’t usually have lessons through the week. So that gives me a week to regain my composure. Honestly, I’m pretty sure we’ll survive unscathed; but I’m not as confident about the car.

P.S. Check out the “wonderful” weather we’re having in the “Local Weather” section of the sidebar. Yuck!

His final high school wrestling season has been a tough one for The Boy. He’s done some things to help the team out which have resulted in him not having as good of a record as he would like. He’s always been a “team player”; but now that the season isn’t going well, he’s starting to get frustrated. Sports are a great allegory for life. Bad things happen through no fault of your own in both. He understands that intellectually; but emotionally the way things have gone this season still bother him. You only get one chance to be a senior in high school and you want for it to be these best it can be. He’s probably a better runner; but wrestling has always been his favorite sport; so I hate see him not having fun. Life goes on, and, at the end of the day, how good of a high school wrestler you were doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. But when you’re 17 years old it’s a much bigger deal.

Even though it’s his last, I’ll be glad to see the season end. I hate to see his career end; but I hate even works to see him not having fun in a sport that he loves. He’s thinking about running cross country in college. He knows he’s not fast enough to be competitive; but thinks he would enjoy being on the team. I’m not sure how sports go in college; but I hope that he can participate and doesn’t have to be invited. He’s may not be enjoying wrestling as much as he used too; but he loves participating in sports.

P.S. Since The Boy’s has not have the best of winters I’d like to get him a nice graduation present. Does anyone have any ideas? Something useful and memorable (and not too expensive). I’d really like to do something to make him smile.

We went to a very nice restaurant on Saturday night to celebrate The Boy’s college plans. It was fabulous. We all dressed in evening attire and spent almost 2 hours being pampered. We can’t afford to do things like that very often; but California Girl and I thought that it would be a nice way to recognize The Boy’s accomplishments. Pretty soon, it will be party of three; so it was good to live large with The Boy. We call him The Boy; but he is really almost a man. I have been having some very serious conversations with him. Like most teenagers, he likes to have fun; but he understands the big picture much better than most kids his age. Despite being quiet and introspective, he has a lot of insight into people and things. I think that ability will serve him well in life.

We also went to another “last” for The Boy. It seems like his senior year is just flying by. I’m both proud and sad at the same time. I’m glad to see him doing so well in his final few months of high school; but sad to turn the page. California Girl and I are more than mom and dad; so are relationship with him will continue even when he doesn’t “need” us anymore. But there won’t be as many opportunities for the spontaneous good times that we have enjoyed. He’s needed his share of pep talks; but he brightens our lives with his quick with far more than he needs cheering up. Some of the things he has said are priceless.