Married In Ohio

Happy Father’s Day to all of the dads out there! It’s raining now (again) but I spent the afternoon in the pool with California Girl which is one of my favorite places to be. It’s quiet and peaceful with, of course, the best friend I have in the world. I can’t think of a better place to spend a lazy Sunday afternoon. After being on the road on Father’s Day for the past two years, it was good to be home. I made sure to call my dad. I hope that you were able to call or visit yours.

The Boy graduated from high school! Our first born is almost a man. I remember when the graduation ceremony for the Class of 2008 seemed very, very far into the future. Now, it’s nothing but a memory. I’m sure that this summer will go even more quickly than summers past and then he will be off to college and things will never be quite the same. He didn’t have a graduation party, opting instead to go to the “big” parties hosted by his classmates. Graduation didn’t really seem like the end. He’s doing the same things now as he did last summer. Things won’t be that much different until he leaves for college at the end of the summer.

His mother and I are struggling trying to decide what to give him for a combined graduation and birthday gift. His 18^th birthday is later this month so we plan to give him one larger more expensive gift. The only thing that he has asked for is a laptop computer; but that doesn’t strike us as much of a gift since he and us both know that he “needs” one for college and we were planning to get him one before the end of the summer anyway. If you have any ideas we’d love to hear them.

There are only 100 or so days left as a “party of four”. We’re hoping that this summer will be one of those best ever times that we remember forever.

The temperatures hovered right around freezing with a wind chill of 23°F. Not the best weather for The Girl’s first soccer game of the “spring” season. The field had patches of partially frozen mud between tufts of still dormant grass. But it was still outdoor soccer. So, she and her teammates put in their Under Armour underneath the game jerseys and took the field. They were happy to be playing again.

It was cold for the parents on the sideline. We could have used some cold weather gear ourselves. Even though I was shivering in the wind, I was glad to be out there. I always enjoyed watching the kids compete. But, now that The Boy’s high school athletic career is over; I have an even greater appreciation of how precious games days are. It’s still two years away; but it doesn’t seem nearly as far as it once did. So we need to enjoy them while we can.

The Girl is on a new team this spring yet she has still been able to make her mark. Despite playing a new position she’s still been a major contributor. In fact, The Girl was instrumental in two of their victories this weekend. Things come easily to her on the soccer field. She has no idea how rare that is. Maybe she’ll understand it one of these days.

In case you were wondering, they brought back the first place trophy. She’s got a lot of them on the mantle. But, I think this one will be one of her favorites.

Someone asked me on Friday whether The Girl “dated” more black guys or white guys. I actually had to stop and think about it for a moment. Partly because she is “just friends” with a number of boys whom she wouldn’t go out with (her words not ours); and partly because that’s not the first thing that I notice when I’m meeting her friends. I’m much more concerned with their character than their color. My parents, especially my dad, automatically categorize the kids as black and assume that they should socialize and date accordingly; something that my wife and I find very strange given their dual heritage.

Unlike my parents and many people of their generation, there’s no right or wrong choice for California Girl and me. We’re not naive enough to believe that we have much any influence over who she socializes with anyway. That’s not to say that we don’t pay any attention to her friends. In fact, we keep very careful track of who she communicates where it’s electronic (via email, IM, chat, text messaging, etc), telephonic (cell or house phone), or in person (i.e. hanging out). We just try not to judge and forbid since that never works anyway. I know that if my father would have had his way, California Girl and I would have never dated much less got married.

It’s hard being in high school when you’re 15. As adults looking back, it doesn’t seem very difficult; but kids today are under enough pressure without their parents adding to it. Not being asked to homecoming (or not being asked by the right guy) is a major deal when you’re 15. Even if you understand intellectually that it’s not the end of the world it’s still hard when everyone at school is talking about the dance on Monday. So we just watch from afar and try not to interfere. It’s not that we don’t like some of their friends better than others. But we realize that we don’t get truly get a vote and the worst thing that we can do is be overbearing and close off any channels of communication. We need to be sure that we’re still in the loop when the time comes that one or both of them really needs our help.

Anyway, getting back to the original question, I wonder why they thought it mattered. Considering their age and background, I doubt if they’ve got the same viewpoint as my parents. California Girl and I (and the kids) don’t categorize people so simply. As parents, we’re much more likely to divide our kids’ friends into good influences and bad influences. And we haven’t noticed any correlation between that and physical characteristics. We don’t segment the kids or people they associate with. We know society does; but we don’t think that is a good thing to teach our children. Good friendships are hard to find without adding artificial constraints. The Boy and The Girl will have to make their own way in the world. Hopefully they will make good decisions for life in the 21^st century.

President’s Day would be one of my favorite holidays if I ever got the day off. California Girl is always off and spends it with the kids. I don’t begrudge her some “Mom time” with the kids. I know the both spend plenty of time with them both alone and together. It just sounds like so much fun that I wish I could be there. I think it’s great that we all still have fun together and haven’t become fragmented even though the kids are older.

The Boy was remarking recently that we could come visit him on Saturdays in the fall and still make it home in time for The Girl’s soccer games later that evening. He didn’t say it with a sense of entitlement; he knows it’s a long way. But, since we’ve always made it a point to attend his (and his sister’s) activities even if it required driving hundreds of miles. So he naturally assumed that we’d visit him frequently. Honestly, I’m not sure how often to visit. My parents didn’t visit much which further strained an already tenuous relationship. On one hand we’d think that as long as he’s interested in talking and spending time with us “old folks” that we should. On the other we don’t want him to spread his wings and not be tethered to the nest.

The Boy wrestled in the last wrestling meet of his career this past Saturday. It’s hard to believe that we won’t be watching him compete anymore. It doesn’t seem that long ago that that he was running around on the field in his first organized soccer game. We were there from the beginning. And we planned to be there at his final meets. We just didn’t think that time would go by so quickly. People have always said that children grow up fast. I never truly understood that until recently. I’m sure that we’ll continue to follow the teams; but it won’t be the same when he’s not on them anymore and everyone we know has graduated. We really enjoy going to football games in the fall and basketball games in the winter; in part because many of the players have gone to school with The Boy. California Girl and I often chaperoned on field trips and field days when the kids were in elementary school and have enjoyed watching his classmates grow up into fine young men and women. It just seems weird seeing them almost grown when we clearly remember them being little kids.

I say that every time I successfully return from one of The Girl’s driving lesson’s. She does OK controlling the vehicle; but she doesn’t have any appreciation for how dangerous automobiles are. I know that taking her driving is the only way to teach her how to drive; but, sometimes, it’s an adventure. I don’t remember things being nearly this “exciting” when I was learning how to drive. (My father was very critical of anything I did in those days, so I’m sure I would have heard about it.) I hope there won’t be any great escapes the next lesson. Thankfully, with all the weekday practices and other activities, we don’t usually have lessons through the week. So that gives me a week to regain my composure. Honestly, I’m pretty sure we’ll survive unscathed; but I’m not as confident about the car.

P.S. Check out the “wonderful” weather we’re having in the “Local Weather” section of the sidebar. Yuck!

His final high school wrestling season has been a tough one for The Boy. He’s done some things to help the team out which have resulted in him not having as good of a record as he would like. He’s always been a “team player”; but now that the season isn’t going well, he’s starting to get frustrated. Sports are a great allegory for life. Bad things happen through no fault of your own in both. He understands that intellectually; but emotionally the way things have gone this season still bother him. You only get one chance to be a senior in high school and you want for it to be these best it can be. He’s probably a better runner; but wrestling has always been his favorite sport; so I hate see him not having fun. Life goes on, and, at the end of the day, how good of a high school wrestler you were doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things. But when you’re 17 years old it’s a much bigger deal.

Even though it’s his last, I’ll be glad to see the season end. I hate to see his career end; but I hate even works to see him not having fun in a sport that he loves. He’s thinking about running cross country in college. He knows he’s not fast enough to be competitive; but thinks he would enjoy being on the team. I’m not sure how sports go in college; but I hope that he can participate and doesn’t have to be invited. He’s may not be enjoying wrestling as much as he used too; but he loves participating in sports.

P.S. Since The Boy’s has not have the best of winters I’d like to get him a nice graduation present. Does anyone have any ideas? Something useful and memorable (and not too expensive). I’d really like to do something to make him smile.

We went to a very nice restaurant on Saturday night to celebrate The Boy’s college plans. It was fabulous. We all dressed in evening attire and spent almost 2 hours being pampered. We can’t afford to do things like that very often; but California Girl and I thought that it would be a nice way to recognize The Boy’s accomplishments. Pretty soon, it will be party of three; so it was good to live large with The Boy. We call him The Boy; but he is really almost a man. I have been having some very serious conversations with him. Like most teenagers, he likes to have fun; but he understands the big picture much better than most kids his age. Despite being quiet and introspective, he has a lot of insight into people and things. I think that ability will serve him well in life.

We also went to another “last” for The Boy. It seems like his senior year is just flying by. I’m both proud and sad at the same time. I’m glad to see him doing so well in his final few months of high school; but sad to turn the page. California Girl and I are more than mom and dad; so are relationship with him will continue even when he doesn’t “need” us anymore. But there won’t be as many opportunities for the spontaneous good times that we have enjoyed. He’s needed his share of pep talks; but he brightens our lives with his quick with far more than he needs cheering up. Some of the things he has said are priceless.

Recently, The Girl gave California Girl several sweaters that were too small for her. Up until now, it’s been the other way around. Aren’t mothers usually bigger than their daughters? It seems strange seeing California Girl in clothes that The Girl used to wear. It really emphasizes the fact that the kids are growing up. They’ve been almost the same size for a while - I usually get them the same size premiums at road races; but t-shirts and sweatshirts are not the same as regular clothes. The Boy and I do not have the same body type, so even though he is taller than I am, there was never a time I could wear his clothes (or the other way around). California Girl and The Girl don’t have the same body dimensions either; but, depending on the style, women’s clothes can be more forgiving. I wonder what will be the next thing to change hands, and in which direction. If anyone has older kids and this is something that has happened to you, we’d love to know your thoughts.