Taking A Risk
I was commenting on another blog that, sexually speaking, people are concerned about things like HIV but still take as many risks as they did when I was younger. It’s usually bad to generalize; but, in our experience, it seems people are “worried” about more things and try to be careful when selecting their partners; but their behavior is about the same as always once they’ve made their selection. I think part of the dichotomy is that it’s very difficult to be careful. You can discuss things; but people don’t know what they don’t know; so they truly don’t know if there is a problem with an ex-partner somewhere in their past. And, of course, there is the live for the present attitude that humans have as a species. That’s generally good; because it helps get us through the hard times when the future looks bleak. But can sometimes lead us into trouble. There is a fine line between being prepared for the future and being so concerned what lies down the road that we never enjoy the present.
Having this blog is a risk. Posting NSFW photographs increases that risk. Everyone is familiar with the stories of bloggers who got themselves into trouble at work or with friends and family. And, even for those who take down their blogs or go private, Google is forever. But, blogging also has its rewards. We’ve met a lot of great people (and some not so great ones). In many ways blogging is a lot like real life. You have to put yourself out there in order to meet people and hope for the best. How does a blog that is private from the beginning get any readers? This blog has been public for the entire 4½ years of its existence and we plan to keep it that way. New readers who leave comments and send emails are what make blogging fun. Have we had problems? Certainly. But partly by luck and partly by persistence, we’ve managed to persevere. We’ve had to password protect our musical posts since the songs were being abused by non-readers. We’ve had some unkind “reviews” on hater sites. And of course we receive regular hate mail, some of which is very hurtful. But, on balance, blogging has been an very enjoyable hobby.
Hate mail? You’ve actually eperienced hate mail?
I mean I do – but only in my drama filled life, not my internet life.
I’m so sorry.
I like to think I’m not afraid to ask the hard quesitons, when selecting a partner. Because, well I have too. No subject is taboo when worrying about my personal haeth. And life has tought me to be much more cynical than I normally have. Hopefully without changing who I am.
Humans beings lie, and some are very good at doing that.
I like to see black and white proof, and then still feel there is a period of time you wait after that.
My logical nature coming through.
Kelly: Having kids and talking about them on a “sex blog” generates some “interesting” emails as does the black make white female thing. The thing that seems to bother people the most is that we are together in a committed relationship; rather than actors or cuckolds.
People always downplay questionable activity in their background. Partly because they want to make a good impression on a potential partner, and partly because the just don’t want to ruin their chances. Everything always comes out in the end so honesty really is the best policy. Unfortunately there are those who will take advantage of people for their own selfish purposes.
This topic sounds all too familiar
i have to agree with you regarding the range of risks people take- Sir and i do not use protection and that has just been the way it has been from day one. While we are both up to date on testing it is still a risk as you stated due to something that could potentially be there and not yet be active.
i think blogging is a real risk. Honestly i have thought about locking up our blog and making it private numerous times because i have my periods of paranoia where i am concerned about family or co-workers. But then as you mentioned; i would not have the opportunity to meet like minded people and make new friends and acquantances…i basically reassure myself with the use of google’s irritating content warning. i figure if someone goes beyond that warning then they are there for a reason more likely due to interest in kink and sex rather then using the info to get at *me* lol…
Viemoira: Public blogging is a risk. Like anything, there are more dangerous activates; but it’s not for the faint-hearted; especially if there are photos since the cause more traffic. But, we do enjoy our photo sessions.
If you have enemies, they will always be looking for ways to get back you. Knowing the risks of blogging is the most important thing. Blogging is just one more target added to the many they probably already have. In a way, going private is giving in and letting enemies run your life. If possible, staying public and keeping a low profile is the preferred option. And, believe it or not, but I know people who have had spies infiltrate their private blogs and had to stop doing even that.
Wise words, as usual.
Alfie: Thanks. Fortunately for us we don’t get that many visitors so we “fly under the radar”.
I am repelled by the people (animals? – nah – even animals don’t do that) – by the people who attack others visciously and vindictively for being different. We’re supposed to be better than chickens who get together and peck ‘different’ birds to death. Surely there is something better for them to do with their time. Some hate sex, some hate other groups, some hate immigrants, some hate anyone who doesn’t adhere to their own little set of religious or social prejudices. They feel obligated to wipe out any differing opinion or practice.
So those of us who differ a little (or a lot) from the mass have to hide. We have to stifle ourselves and shut up.It’s horrible. I have had little old ladies come to me on the street and denounce me to my face – I should be jailed she said. Why? I have a beard. That made me a dirty hippy (yeah – it was around 1962/3 – I still have the beard though and she’s probably dead) I have a relative who is an extremely fundamentalist Christian who was pleased a long time ago when the oresident of Israel was assassinated – after all he wanted to stop war with the arabs and that meant that the appocalipse couldn’t happen and the second coming would be postponed.
I hope that this type of hatred never enters your life and that you can keep blogging forever. I like the way you think about life and sex and love and kids and – - -.
I may not be a regular commenter but I’m certainly a regular reader who would very much miss your comments, your pride in your children and the obvious love of the two of you.
It occurred to me one day some time ago that I’ve put enough information in my comments that anyone of your readres who wanted could identify readily identify me but I’m retired and I don’t give a damn.
cheers and salutations
yondan
Yondan: Thanks for the support. There will always be haters. Intellectually, we know that we shouldn’t let them bother us; but sometimes, that’s easier said than done. We (especially California Girl) do a good job of looking inward and not being concerned with what anonymous strangers think; but sometimes we’re amaze at how brazen they are forcing their opinions on theirs. We don’t try to be non-conformists just to be obstinate; but, unlike a lot of people, we don’t conform just because that is what society expects.
I know a woman who had a perfect stranger came up to her on the street and accuse her of defacing her body because she had a tattoo on her leg. It’s her skin and she can do anything she wants to with it. And, tattoos are permanent anyway so he was just wasting his breath. But he still felt compelled to approach her. I’ve never understood why some people seem to think that their opinion is the only one that matters and that they can force their viewpoints on complete strangers. We are big proponents of the “you can’t please everyone; you have to please yourself” philosophy.
We don’t plan to stop blogging. But the risk/reward ratio is something we do need to think about and be aware of. It’s important that we know, understand and accept the risks so we’re don’t have any surprises.
Very strange that the kids thing causing negative responses. You can’t be sexual beings and be good parents? Very, very strange.
Kelly: Many people who have blogs about sex that we read, especially swingers, post only tangentially if at all about their kids. The attitude of many readers seems to be that anything goes if you are single or married without children; but that you somehow aren’t a good parent if you have good sex and post about it. Something about the unlikely possibility that the kids might discover our blog and be “scarred for life”. Honestly, as parents we more concerned about teenage drivers, alcohol, drugs, STDs, where they are going to go college and how are we going to afford it, and a myriad of other things. But some people seem to think this blog should be our biggest worry and we should shut it down.
It seems to me that there is more total harm done by bringing up children to believe that their parets are torally asexual than there is to acknowledging, even celebrating, that sex is part of their lives. Some of my friends really believed that their parents never had (and somehow never did have) sex and therefore it was nasty. My sister and I talked about this as adults and agreed that although our folks slept in separate bedrooms, even on separate floors of the house, and even though neither of us can remember any shred of affectionate behaviour between them, it had been comforting to hear the stair creak at night every now and then, even before we had any idea what it meant.
yondan
Yondan: Kids need to get, at the very least, a rudimentary understating of what a health relationship is so that he can for good relationships when they are adults. They don’t need all of the details; but they don’t need a something that gives them an unrealistic picture either. In our house, the master bedroom is at the end of its own hallway which gives us enough of a buffer zone. Parents should be seen as being caring and affectionate toward each other. We’re human beings after all.
Dears California Girl and Midwestern City Boy,
I read/see your blog for already 2 years. It is a pleasure and an honor to be allowed do do it. I like to see you commenting on your life stories, sexual experiences, seeing you comment on your kids, almost everything.
Keep up.
I agree with you that the good things compensate the bad things.
Whish your family all the best,
Mig Mota
Mig Mota: thank you for your kid words. We alwats appreciate it when readers introduce themselves.
I don’t agree with the others, obviously.
You’re concerned about the right things with children. The same things I worry about in fact.
Don’t let others make you doubt yourselves.
I’m still disappointed people sent comments like that.
Kelly: The issues that parents deal with are universal. The fact that we are more adventures than some people doesn’t change anything. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people that pass judgment on other people; just to make themselves feel better. The hate mail doesn’t really bother us. Some of it is so over the top that it’s laughable. We don’t doubt ourselves (i.e. what we do in real life); but it would be nice to not if be so controversial.
It’s a damn shame that there are people out there who send you hate mail and all of that garbage. I think you guys are great and down-to-earth and I will continue to read your blog.
Cheers!
Rage: Thank you. Statistically, we don’t have a lot of ill-behaved readers. But even 1/10th of 1% of all visitors is still a lot of not so nice people. Having a blog, especially a NSFW bog is not for the faint hearted.
More thoughts about the dangerous behaviour theme above.It seems to me that everyone has their own pet vdanger. My daughter says her partner tyhinks her little car is a danger to herself on the road – she’ll get badly hurt in an accident -but he is encouraging her to get a motorcycle and ride with him.
Every year there are deaths in high school football according to the statistics I’ve seen – but some of us encourage our kids to play. skydiving, bungee jumping, back couintry skiing.
We each have some things we want to do that we can rationalize is ‘safe enough’ but someone else thinks is highly dangerous. One of my judo students (a grain farmer) stopped judo because he was afraid if he suffered an arm dislocation or a shoulder seoaration and couldn’t plant in May he’d lose a years income. But he still took his ski trip to the Rockies in March. When I pointed this out to him he just got a silly grin on his face.
To each his own fear and bravery.
yondan
Yondan: You make a very valid point. Many people rationalize taking risks if the alternative limits their lifestyle too much. Driving a car is one of the most dangerous things that we do; but it’s a risk we accept every day. Similar calculations go on in other areas of our life. We have dangerous hobbies; because life wouldn’t be any fun without them. But we only consider things that other people do and we don’t dangerous. We all take risks. We just never think about it being risky if it’s something we like to do. As you said, “to each his own fear and bravery”.
I’m glad you two take the risk of having this blog because I have certainly enjoyed reading about you over the past few years.
Chickie: It’s an “acceptable” risk. When we think about it we are aware of the potential problems. We just hope for the best.