A Gift
As I look around blogland, I can’t help but notice how many people are breaking up, getting divorced, etc. Even a few couples whose relationships had withstood the test of time and seemed like they would last forever are going the separate ways. We all plan to be together forever with the people that we love. Sadly, that has not happened in so many cases.
Amazingly, despite our many incompatibilities, California Girl and I have managed to stay together for almost 24 years. I’m not sure what we did to earn such a gift but its one that we both revel in. I’ve never considered myself a lucky person; but so far as staying marriage goes, I have been very fortunate indeed.
We’ve had our share of ups and downs. But, somehow, the connection that we have is still thriving. And we have even more fun together today than we did in olden times. I wish I knew the secret of our success. If I did, I would share it with everyone. Unfortunately, I don’t. But I do know how blessed we are and I am going to enjoy it.
Everyone have a wonderful Saturday night. I know we are.
You two are blessed, especially since you recognize the specialness of that blessing. Ed and Sue are celebrating 30 years together. They and the two of you are similarly blessed as you all know the happiness of your special person.
We share your sadness at seeing so many marriages breaking up. Reading blogs of people who stay together has convinced me that there is no single secret to staying together. However, I’m fairly sure there’s a common theme to those marriages that fail.
“I wish I knew the secret of our success.”
Probably a healthy combination of love, respect, communication, sex, humor, and being each other’s best friend.
Congrats! We are in the mid 30s and have been married for 15 years and we hope to follow your trail. Must be the love, sex, communication etc.
I agree with Alfie, I bet there’s a common thread to those marriages who fail.
My guess would be the friendship and intimacy has lost priority in the relationship.
My parents have been married 30+ years and I hope to follow in their footsteps. My mom has given me this advice about a happy marriage, and it seems to make sense. For a marriage to survive, both people have to be absolutely committed to it. There is no out, divorce is not an option. In the absence of abuse, addiction, or adultery, you stick with it no matter what and love each other. Problem is… it only works if both people can stay that committed.
We have been married nearly 20 years. Through all the trials and tribulations , including me cheating once, we have picked ourselves up, dusted ourselves off and worked a little harder at it. I feel blessed to have found my soul mate. I thank God every day for my wife, her love, and her commitment to me and our kids. And did I mention the sex is still HOT!!!
Rosie: My parents are still together after almost 50 years so I really didn’t thin much about how unusual a situation it was until I got older and saw what was happening to my friends and co-workers.
Alfie: I just hate to see breakups happen. It may be “for the best” but it still takes it toll; especially if they have children. Are so many people so poorly matched, or is it human nature not to be satisfied with just one person.
Rob: If I knew, I would bottle it and give it away. I hate to see people struggle; especially after beginning with such high hopes.
Ian: Congratulations to you. 15 years is an accomplishment. It seems like very few people make it that far these days.
Kitty: I wonder what goes first. And why it’s so hard for people to get it back. It seems like once things start spinning out of control, nothing is effective at getting things back to where they were. Is being proactive or the solution? Or can the proper reaction to problems “fix” things?
AlwaysCurious: We live in society of quick fixes; and the grass is always greener on the other side of the hill. Plus, it seems that because divorce is some common, al lot of people don’t realize how difficult it is until it’s too late. You’d be surprised how many so-called friends recommend divorce at the first sign of trouble.
John in PA: Glad that you and your wife persevered. It’s good to hear a “success story” among all the failures. And the fact that sex is still hot speaks volumes. Therese more to marriage than sex; but often, it is a reflection of the way things are going outside the bedroom.
Dear MCB and CG, to us the secret to a happy marriage is never letting anyone or anything come between you. Keeping those special secret things just between the two of you. We all have ups and downs and bad days on occassion but always knowing that you treat your loved one with respect and kindkness. We know people who don’t treat each other with the kindness you would show a stranger and that is just so sad. Revelling in the simple things like walks on the beach or enjoying the days in the pool and just talking keep you strong together. I honestly believe it is the simplest things that either keep you together or tear you apart but so many people miss that and chase after illusions or some perfect life they think others have. As always I so enjoy reading your blog and sharing in your happiness and I remain your interested reader. You two are the best out there and I am quite certain we have no fears about you two as you have that special bond that I know neither of you will ever let anyone else penetrate. happy Monday to both of you. Next week is August AHHHHHHHHHHHH. Enjoy these last couple weeks with the kids home before school starts.
Just a little note, a friend of ours who is a divorce lawyer always says that more people end up divorced who never intended to be divorced because of making empty threats. He always said NEVER threaten divorce when you don’t mean it because sometimes the other person says YES that sounds like a good idea when all the other was trying to do was make a point and they ended up divorced which was not really what they wanted.
It could be that both of you “listen” to each other when you speak. A lost art nowadays. People seem to want things their way, or no way.
Interested Reader: We learned long ago that the “perfect” life that others seem to have is more perception than reality. Everyone has their problems/issues; some just do a better job of concealing them.
We’re already in the last throes of summer. The children go back to school in less than a month! We never really did have the hot weather that we’ve been hoping for.
And you make a good point about threading divorce. I know someone that that happened too. Things snowballed until it was too late. Sometimes spouses are still willing to work or things but not if they think that you don’t want to. And its rally hard to un-ring the bell.
Richard: I think that you are right. True compromise doesn’t seem to happen much these days. Often times, things end up being one-sided until it’s too much.
Another key? Never make the children your top priority. Make each other #1 and the kids will always benefit. I woke up one day when the last one left for college and realized there was nothing left of my marriage. In our society, we concentrate far too much on our children and not on each other. (And because most families only have 2 children, we can, unlike our parents how had more kids to corral.) You and CG have all the love and respect and sex two people can have, and you make great parents because you are great spouses. Keep up the good work!
Redheadeditor: There is no doubt that today children are more spoiled. It shouldn’t come at the expense of a spouse; but sometimes, it does. I think that people often lose sight of the fact, if things work out, that they’re going to be married a lot longer than they are going to have kids. And that take care of each other is taking car of the children.