Are We Normal?
We declared victory earlier in the week on a project I am working on, so we left the office early today and went to a nearby bar to celebrate. And as we were talking about random stuff, it struck me how different California Girl and I are. The kids have a lot of activities that keep us on the run; but when we don’t have anyplace else to be, we like spending time with each other. We’d much rather have a night out together than a guy’s night or a girl’s night out. For some of the people it seems almost as if they dreaded going home.
The thing that struck me most of all was how unfamiliar they were with places to go; from sit-down restaurants to trendy (at least for this area) nightclubs. It made me wonder what if anything they do for fun. I like the energy of clubs so we probably go to them more than some other couples. But I thought enjoying a good meal at a nice restaurant was almost a universal ritual of dating. Even after a long day in the stands at one of the children’s activities, California Girl and I will often come home, change into something nice and at least go out for a late dinner. We do a lot for and with the kids; but we have our own lives too.
When I am finished with this post, I’m going to go upstairs, shave and make plans for the night. Even though we have to be up very early tomorrow (to take the kids somewhere), I don’t intend to let that spoil our evening. We know that we are and will continue to be mom and dad; but we try not to let that prevent us from being husband and wife too.
Mr SD and I prefer to spend our time together too. Certainly there are times when we are apart for various reasons but we enjoy each others company.
We love going out for dinner together, although we dont really have clubs here. The only clubs are full of 18 and 19 year olds with blaring music – not our idea of fun.
Ms SD
I couldn’t agree more. I much prefer Emm’s company and can think of nothing worse than a night out “with the boys”. The only time I am in all-male company is for an hour on Mondays at my lodge-meeting. Before the meeting is over I secretly text Emm to tell her to come up to the pub and she is waiting when I come down. We’re much too old for the club scene of course.
I love nights out with the girls too. Depends on my mood. With 2 very small children, our time together is so limited we don’t get out much together, so we just spend time at home. Or, one of us will watch the kids so the other can go out for a bit. I’m sure that will improve with time. We are going out to dinner tonight…finally found a good babysitter!
“but we try not to let that prevent us from being husband and wife too”
I envy you and Cal girl. There always seems to be something preventing here.
You two are my inspiration and my hope that it will change one day.
Ms SD: There are clubs her that are full of 18 and 19 year olds too; but we prefer the 21 and up establishments. Beyond that we’re not that particular excerpt we stay away from the “oldies” club. We’re not 20-something but were not stuck in the 80′s either. And a good DJ is a must. Some of them are horrible.
My point wasn’t what we do together so much as the fact that we do things together and enjoy it. It’s good to stay in after a long arduous week. But going on a “date” should be a regular event and not a rare occurrence.
Alfie: The other thing that is bad about a night out with the boys is that there is often alcohol involved; and I would rather be alert. I’m not sure what happens when they get home but I know what I like to do.
And no one is ever much too old for anything; least of all having a good time.
Michelle: That’s a different situation than what I was talking about. We used to do that too. Small children can be exhausting. It’s important that both parents take a break, refresh themselves, and interact with adults when you have little kids. . But it’s another thing to have the opportunity for a date with your SO (without the kids) and choose instead to spend it with the guys (or the girls). When our kids were young, we did something whenever we got a good baby-sitter. It’s much too easy to forget how to be husband and wife.
And yes it does improve with time. As your kids get older it’s easier to find a sitter since they don’t need so much care and feeding. And, after a while, they can watch themselves. At first not for a long time; but long enough have a nice relaxing meal. With ours, we can go out for as long as we want. In fact, The Girl baby-sits some of the neighborhood kids.
Kitty: We know how hard it can be to balance kids and each other. As adults, we understand that kids come first. But we can’t kill our relationships because were doing things for the kids. Otherwise, the kids grow up and move out and you look at your spouse and say “who is this person I’m living with”. There is always hope so long as the spirit is alive. You’re OK so long as you do enough to keep the fire going. Then when you get the opportunity you can really stoke it.