My Report Card Is On Your Desk
The girl got her report card for the third quarter Wednesday. She did well in all of her classes except one. It always seems like there is at least one class that she doesn’t do as well as she should in. And it’s never the same class two grading periods in a row. Its like she only has a certain amount of energy to expend and it’s not quite enough to do well in all her classes.
I’m sure that its lack of motivation. In fact, when we were scheduling the classes for her freshman year in high school and I wanted to switch one of her classes, the guidance counselor said “I don’t have a problem with the scores on your admissions test; it’s the needs motivation comments on the recommendation form that has me concerned.” That’s the story of her academic life. Extremely bright but only with intermittent motivation.
I haven’t decided yet but I’m considering increasing the minimum grades she needs to play soccer to B or better in every class with an overall average of 3.5 or higher. But, what I really want is for her to be self-driven. To do more than the minimum required to keep mom and dad (relatively) happy. She’s got to want it for herself. We can’t want it for her. But, just once, I want a report card with out any “excepts…”
Comments
Comment from Kelly
Time March 31, 2006 at 7:55 am
Kids are sooo hard…as a child my parents would say I needed to be more self driven - that they were tired of holding the carrot out for me to motivate me.
But as an adult..I am extremely self driven. So what we are as children and young adults doesn’t really equate to who we are as adults..
but…
I think my parents constant reminders…the setting of goals they did…that behavior helped me be who I am today!
Parenting is hard!
Comment from DisappearingJohn
Time March 31, 2006 at 11:24 am
I would hold off on raising the bar that high…
My son always does better in his classes during wrestling season, and I think it is because he is overall more self-motivated with the outside activites.
Especially with her already good grades, I think more pressure to perform, with a veiled threat behind it (perform, or you’ll lose something you enjoy) would only cause some seeds of rebellion…
Comment from Rosie
Time March 31, 2006 at 6:45 pm
John has written a very good comment. I don’t think someone should purposely be allowed to do poorly, but being pushed can be wearing. High school will probably bring a change in her.
Comment from Midwestern City Boy
Time April 1, 2006 at 7:34 pm
Algreen589: It is a thorny problem. She just doesn’t understand the link between good grades now and future success further down the road. What she does in elementary school doesn’t matter much. But the grades she gets in high school will determine which colleges she gets accepted at. Which will intern have an influence on her career as an adult. So from here on, grades have lasting ramifications beyond whether or not her mother and I are happy.
Kelly: With our son, we saw a change in motivation as he got older. We’re not seeing a similar change with our daughter. High school is already a big change. We would really like four her to have good work/study habits before shoe goes there and is in the midst of things.
DisappearingJohn: I don’t want to cause the seeds of rebellion but I really want to impress upon her the importance if starting out on the right foot. Everything is more intense in high school. I have no doubt she’ll do well in soccer season because playing sports so important to her. It’s the off season that I’m most worried about. If she was trying her best and still doing poorly then it would be one thing. As competitive as she is in sports I’m surprised it doesn’t carry over into the classroom. I know that it did for me when I was her age. If the kept score (and grades are a type of scorekeeping) I had to be better than everyone else.
Rosie: I know that her mother and I are worn down. Sometimes, I feel like a broken record and this is one of those times. I’m don’t think I’m going to raise the bar since that probably would cause some rebellion but I really want to so something.
Comment from Rob
Time April 1, 2006 at 9:25 pm
MCB, I can’t advise you on your children. All I can comment on are the experiences that we’ve had with both our children (a daughter and a son, in 2nd and 1st yr university, both on 4 yr scholarships, both doing well). As they were growing up my wife and I encouraged them, attended their school events, and were fortunate to get them both into high school gifted programs (where all their student peers maintained high marks and yet had active extra curricular interests). We never had to push them nor otherwise pressure them to excel. The competitiveness in both sports and studies among them and their friends were effective enough we found. I guess what I’m suggesting is that if your children are fortunate enough to have good interesting teachers, smart and competitive class mates, and you and your wife continue to take an active interest in their upbringing, then you should be satisfied with the results. Food for thought?
Comment from Midwestern City Boy
Time April 2, 2006 at 8:17 pm
Rob: I am hoping more competitive peers once The Girl gets into high school will help; but I would prefer she have the fire to excel academically before she gets there. I think that her mother and I are doing all of the right things but were not getting the results that we would like. I know from my son that she will have “better” teachers but I don’t know if that will be enough. We have modest goals for her and her brother. We just want for them to do well enough to get into any school of their choice. We don’t want for them to be limited in the colleges that they can application to. Anything beyond that (like scholarships) would just be icing on the cake.
Comment from algreen589
Time March 31, 2006 at 7:34 am
I think that if she’s not excited about it now the more pressure you put on her to do better the less she will want to do it. I have an interest in education and this is a constant concern for me. Currently, I think that interest in selfeducation is dormant in people the same way the hearding is dormant in sheep dogs. The problem is to find the right way to waken the instinct. I’d try brodening her exposure with different weekend events. You’re looking for something she does well and effortlessly, without any outside encouragement. Its like finding a needle in a hay stack. For one girl it might be an electric guitar, and for another it might be volunteering with a Veterinarian. (Excuse my spelling, I’m too lazy to Google) Good luck.
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