They Should Do Something
Once of the questions that gets frequently asked is if being part of an interracial couple has caused any problems. It hasn’t caused any problems within our immediate family but we have encountered many closed-minded individuals over the years. Here is an account of our experience with one of them. This particular bigot happened to be black.
You know how people always say “they should do something about that”? Well, I’m “they” or at least I used to be. I don’t just complain. I try and do something about it. So if things don’t work out like I want, I know that I tried. Sometimes this can be very frustrating.
Many years ago when I lived in another city, I was active supporting the schools in their MANY levy campaigns. Over a period of a couple of years, I got to know many of the other parents and levy supporters. So, when one of them decided to run for school board, I offered to help his campaign.
I had been a loyal campaign worker for many months when, one day, he asked to borrow my CD-based telephone directory so that some of the other volunteers could annotate the precinct sheets with telephone numbers. I told him that I already had the entire district on disk and would be happy to cross reference everything in the computer and give him a print out. At the time, not as much was automated and there were more manual steps required in a process like that than today. He said not to bother. Some of the other volunteers didn’t want to walk the neighborhoods but would be willing to looks up the numbers and write them by hand on the precinct sheets. I thought, man, what a waste of time but lent him the CD anyway.
A week or so later, the other volunteers are finished with the CD but we can’t quite get together because of our schedules. So, he decides to drop it off at my house. It was only then that he figured out that I was part of an interracial marriage. From that point on, it was like I had an advanced case of leprosy. I was completely persona non grata. He even went so far as to cancel the next campaign meeting! I tried to call him a couple of times to see if what appeared to be happening was actually happening but he never returned my calls. I even went by his house but no one would answer the door.
I was so mad. It’s not a secret that I’m part of an interracial marriage but I don’t prefix everything I say with it. “Hey, I’m part of an interracial marriage. Do you want me to help with your campaign?” That was not something that I though was necessary. And I don’t want to volunteer for anybody that it is.
I actually ended up voting for his opponent. (He won and served many years on the school board.) It was shortly thereafter that I enrolled my children in Catholic school. I tried to make things better and failed. What was really frustrating was when I got criticized for taking my children out of the district after being so active. If they only knew.
These days, I am still involved in a lot of things. But I am more cautious of what I volunteer for. Or should I say what people and organizations I volunteer for.
Comments
Comment from Wanting More
Time October 17, 2005 at 10:48 pm
What a jerk! Sorry you guys have had to deal with such idiotic people. Thank goodness not everyone shares their assinine beliefs!! Love has no color requirements that I’m aware my friend! 
And neither does friendship!
Comment from Wanting More
Time October 17, 2005 at 10:49 pm
By the way, I like the change to your site
Comment from doogooder
Time October 18, 2005 at 5:54 pm
I once saw a talk show, I think it was donahue so it was a while back, where the interacial thing was a problem with black women because they felt white women were taking their men. It comes in all shapes, sizes and colors I’m afraid…
Comment from Midwestern City Boy
Time October 18, 2005 at 7:49 pm
Kelly: It still burns me up today even though it was years ago. In his view, being married to California Girl totally invalidated all the hard work that I did. And I was one of the few people on the team who was willing to campaign in rough neighborhoods. Knocking on doors with bullet holes in them. Getting chased by big mean dogs. It wasn’t like I wasn’t a hard working volunteer. Arrgh. I’m still mad about it.
Wanting More: The funny thing was that none of the other volunteers spoke up for me. Even if they didn’t share the same view, they gave tacit approval through their inaction. I’m not sure what bothers me worse. Wrong is wrong. I always throw my self in front of the train (figuratively speaking) even if I think it’s probably hopeless. Sometimes, more people are on your side than you think but are waiting for someone else to do something. And sometimes you just get run over.
So far as the tweaks to the site go, I like to tinker. I’m going to do a whole new template when I get the chance. I’m not very artistic so we’ll see how long it takes.
Chickie: If he was going to boot me off his team, at least he should have told me face to face. I guess he didn’t won’t to go on record as being a hypocrite. Avoidance was the easy but cowardly solution.
Doogooder: We have experienced this as well. It was most pronounced when we were in college. Nobody’s taking anyone’s men. We aren’t “reserved” for anyone. Now, of course, I’m “damaged goods” so it’s a catch 22. But I have noticed that attitude has lessened considerably over the years. I’m not sure whether the reality that there are more women than men in the world and you can’t be so artificially choosey has set in or if attitudes have changed. What I can say is that I get more propositions from black women (who are familiar with my family) these days than I used to. The number of propositions from white women has remained relatively constant. Understand of course that the sample size is far too small to be statistically significant. It’s just an observation.
Comment from Neil
Time October 18, 2005 at 9:42 pm
I don’t know if this is an example of how times have changed in a positive way, but this is my first time here, I was reading about how you keep your love life happy, I saw your picture, I thought about how cute you looked, and until I saw this post, it didn’t even occur to me to think about the fact that you were an interracial couple. You just sound like a fun, sexy, and loving couple.
Comment from Midwestern City Boy
Time October 19, 2005 at 10:19 pm
Neil: That is exactly how we want you to think of us. Neither of us wants this blog to turn into a platform for complaining about ignorant people. That’s one of the reasons that I broke the post into a summer and detail page. As much as we wish it was not so, incidents like that are part of our relationship. But, beyond an occasional post, we don’t dwell on bad experiences with bigots.
Comment from Kelly
Time October 17, 2005 at 8:22 pm
I’m sorry…but it was his loss. In his campaign and in his life.