New Shoes And A Question
The Girl wore out her soccer shoes and needs another pair. One look at them and you can tell that she is a player. They are only worn in the places where you are supposed to make contact with the ball. (No toe kicks for her.)
Her team had twelve players on Sunday and the Girl played an outstanding game. In fact, the best player for the other team came up to her afterwards and told her “you played an awesome game”. She is really good. Her team has yet to play against anyone who has her combination of skill and athletic ability. Other parents come up to be on the sidelines during the game and ask where she is going to high school. They are usually either disappointed or happy when I tell them that she is going to attend the local parochial high school.
She knows that she is good. That is one of the things that I struggle with. I want for her to be confident in her abilities but I don’t want for her to get a big head. I’m not sure what I should tell the Girl about her talent as a soccer player. How much should I compliment her? Should I tell her that other parents with kids playing varsity think she is good enough to play at that level now? I’m curious what others out there have said to their athletically gifted children. And what is a good balance between confidence and arrogance.
Comments
Comment from Ed
Time September 27, 2005 at 6:15 pm
You must be very proud of her.
If it was me I’d praise her like mad.
You can still teach her the value of humility, but I wouldn’t hold back on the compliments.
Comment from Kelly
Time September 27, 2005 at 7:00 pm
It’s a hard thing..we want to instill so much confidence in our children but we also want them to have humility.
I always praise our athletically gifted boys and then tell them how important it is for them to play as part of a team. Ephasizing all the parts of the team..and how if they don’t come to gether ..they don’t win.
Not really an answer I guess… 
Just how I deal with it!
Comment from Midwestern City Boy
Time September 27, 2005 at 11:02 pm
Wendy: The Girl is great fun to watch. She know that I thing she’s “decent” but I don’t think she knows how outstanding of a player I think she is. I think discussing it with her is an excellent idea. All of the potential in the world isn’t any good without appropriate follow through. My parents didn’t discus our skills with me or my siblings so this is uncharted waters for me. And congratulations on having an academically gifted child. In many ways, that is even more difficult to identify and nurture. I was smart when I was growing up so I know how isolating that can be.
Ed: I am really proud of her athletic accomplishments but I want for her to be balanced. That’s difficult with so many people telling her how gifted she is. There are better players. There are always better players. But she’s a big fish in a pretty good sized pond.
Kelly: It’s extra difficult for me since she’s a girl. I know what its like to be a 13-year old boy but I have no idea what its like to be a 13-year old girl. She knows the value of teamwork but, especially in the league that she’s in now, she’s a game changer. The team wins or loses based upon how she plays. I don’t think that there really is a good answer. We just have to do the best that we can to keep her head screwed on straight and make sure that see does the things she needs to do off the playing field (school work) so that she can be the best that she can be.
Comment from Wendy
Time September 27, 2005 at 12:00 pm
I have an academically gifted child. I think it’s the same question. And for us, the answer was to discuss both the gift and the potential for arrogance. And with the gift comes a perception of different-ness, competitivenss and envy from other people that can be very isolating at times.
Based on what you’ve described, I would sit her down and acknowledge/praise her ability, and the potential downsides of it. Let her know how proud you are but also how you will monitor things and let her know if it’s ever getting the better of her.
As an adult I asked my parents why they didn’t praise certain skills and accomplishments I had as a child and they said it was because they assumed I already knew. Wrong answer! Support and meaningful praise always has its place.
And congratulations for your girl. It must be very exciting to watch.