Married In Ohio

Comment from Kelly
Time May 28, 2005 at 6:00 pm

The funny thing is..I work in IT..but my row is all women. So …you’d think I’d be hearing about how they hate sex etc..based on what people hear at work from male counter parts.

Instead..I hear pleas for any ideas to get more sex..more excitement..more interest out of their husbands…

I think sometimes that people who enjoy sex.must always marry people who don’t???

You know you should start a lunch and learn at work! Or whatever they call them within your company culture! It could be entitled “How to enjoy your life to the fullest!”

Comment from Midwestern City Boy
Time May 28, 2005 at 9:27 pm

A row of women? I’ve worked in IT, technical marketing, or technical consulting services with a heavy emphasis on software my entire professional career and I don’t think I ever worked in an organization that had rows of women. Maybe one or two but not entire rows.

So far as the sexual incompatibility goes, it’s something that both people have to work on. In my experience, people will tell everyone except their partner what the problem is or what they would like to do. Throw in a couple of kids and the logistics of getting them to all of their activities and it’s easy to “get out of the habit”.

The guys at work wouldn’t listen to me anyway. In the words of Guy #3 “You’re making the rest of us look bad.” This was when I told him what I had planned for California Girl’s Christmas present. I already know what I’m going to get her. CG is right her as I post this and reads/contributes to our blog so I can’t say anything more.

Comment from Kelly
Time May 28, 2005 at 10:49 pm

See IT has changed at least in this regional area - when I left college i was one of a few “girls”..but since then I have worked for two female CIOs..it seems to be taking a definate feminine twist!

In fact of the 35 of us in our IT staff..I’d guess over half are female.

I know???

I agree though..when people comment at lunch that sex is bored..I’ll suggest things..”Make tonight Baby Oil theme night”or “Ask your partner for a fantasy and fulfill it for them!”..and always I receive the same answer..

“I could never suggest that..”

Funny they can speak to a co-worker about something that they can’t speak to their own intimate partner about???

Comment from sk
Time May 29, 2005 at 12:27 am

just a giggle from me. I’m glad to hear that someone else does it most mornings. Actually, it’s strange when we DON’T have sex in the morning!!

Comment from Midwestern City Boy
Time May 29, 2005 at 11:40 am

Kelly: The company where I worked right out of college, which was also in the same area where I live now, had zero women in IT so things have improved somewhat. Still your company has more women in IT despite the fact that my company has more than three times the number of people (over 100). I estimate that there’s about 15 women total. And only one is a pure software developer, and she mostly does maintenance. The others are system analysts, PMs, DBAs, etc. I’ve only known one hard core female programmer in my entire professional career!

It does seem tough for people to ask their SO to do something new. It seems like once people are out of college, they become so preoccupied with being a grown up that they forget how to try new things. One of the things that I have noticed is that when I’m chatting with the guys, I’m usually talking about something that took place in 2004/2005 and they’re talking about stuff that they did in the 1990’s or before.

I think it’s fear of rejection that keeps them from talking. Despite having been together for a while, they’re still afraid to open up for fear of what the response might be. They don’t want to “ruin things” by asking something objectionable. Most of the ideas I hear are tame and would have almost no chance of upsetting their partner but they are still afraid to bring them up. There is a song that I can’t remember the name of where the lyrics say something like “a lady on the street but a freak in the bed.” The men I talk to seem to think that suggesting something new and exciting would be a bad reflection on them.

Most men would like to do more with their women but don’t know how to get started. California Girl and I run road races (up to half-marathons) together. I hear all the time in the locker room at work that “I wish my wife would run with me.” I usually say something like “So, have you asked her?” And I get a response like “We’ve got a [insert exercise machine name here] and she hasn’t used it much. Besides, I don’t want her to think that I think she’s fat.” I tell them “It’s a lot different doing something together than by yourself. Even if she doesn’t want to, she’ll like the idea that you want to do something with her. Maybe she’ll bike or rollerblade while you run.” The reply is usually something along the lines of “The bike hasn’t been out of the garage in years.” I learned long ago that you’ll never know unless you ask but most people just make assumptions.

After every race, I get asked how CG did. Everyone seems to think it’s the coolest thing that we run together. It’s actually pretty easy. We aren’t going to set any land speed records so we just have a good time. I can run faster than California Girl can but when we’re going for a run in the park, we just go along at an easy pace and talk, almost like going for a walk. I don’t see as much of California Girl as I would like and always want to do more things with her. For example, when we first met, we had lunch together every day. These days, things like that are impractical. That’s why I like to work out together as often as possible. And we get to take a shower together when we are finished. [A shower big enough for two people is a firm requirement of any house we live in.]

I’ve got my own communication difficulties too. California Girl and I did an item from our todo list last night and I still haven’t asked her if she would like to repeat it or if it’s a one time thing. We have talked about it quite a bit but neither of us has said anything about its disposition.

SK: Always in the morning for us. This is a long standing practice that goes back to the early days of our relationship. Sex in the morning then a shower together. Nowadays we go running in between but everything is the same otherwise. We take so many showers together that the kids don’t think it’s unusual at all. I still don’t know what I’ll say when they really figure out what we were doing beforehand. We’ve never altered our bedroom habits because of the kids; once you do that, you are on the road to doom. But, I think it will be weird when they know what’s going on.